i have a cousin, ‘tucker’, who is about 7 years behind me in age. growing up, he was always the baby. my brother and his sister, who are very close in age, would always take off and leave him far behind, meaning i got stuck with him. at least, i always thought of it that way – getting stuck playing with the baby. but he adored me, and though i never understood it, i kind of liked it. we connected on some level. unfortunately, we lost touch during his annoying pre-teen years, while i was away at college and he was, well…an annoying pre-teen, but we reconnected and have grown closer since my graduation and his entrance into young adulthood.
this past weekend, my baby cousin left for MIT. despite all the issues i may have with some of his teenage choices, i will miss him terribly. i’d like to say that i will miss him for the next four years, but i know he will be going all the way for the phD, which means he’ll basically be in school for the majority of his young life. a baffling but admirable pursuit. i will definitely see him at various holidays and other family events, but i know he will not be “coming back home” like so many of my friends did after college. i am incredibly proud of the things he has accomplished so far and the things i know he will do in the coming years. i am also incredibly jealous of the experiences and opportunities that lie before him. i would love to be a freshman in college again.
but…at the same time, i also worry about him. i made some of the most dangerous, worst decisions of my life between the ages of 18 and 21. sometimes i marvel at the fact that i didn’t die or at least lose a limb or two while in college. i think sometimes that all the important things you learn in elementary school – the real basics – are completely lost the moment you step foot on a college campus. like, don’t stick objects, no matter how benign they may seem, into electrical outlets. or, in general, if you dont know where it has been, you probably shouldn’t put it in your mouth. also, plastic plates shouldn’t go in toaster ovens and power tools and cheap beer do not always mix well.
i know i could pass these bits of knowledge, along with some more serious lessons learned, on to tuck, but it would be wasted advice. just as all the advice that was offered to me my freshman year was quickly ignored. i also know that, as a young gay male, the potential that he could face even more difficult situations is high. i know he is entering college almost 10 years after my own entrance, and that things are much different now than they were then, and i am grateful for this, but things are not THAT different. i have seen some of my gay male friends have horrible things done to them and said about them that were simply malicious acts of hate by people who either did not understand or maybe understood just a little too well and felt the need to lash out because of it. i will never understand people who harbor this type of hatred, but i do fear the things they are capable of doing with it. i think of tuck as a little brother and i wish i could protect him; i wish that somehow explaining to him about my negative experiences might shield him from ones of his own. but they will not – they cannot. i can only hope that things go well for him and that he does the best he can with the things he has been given.
tucker – you will experience some of the most amazing times of your life in the next four (or six, or eight) years, and also some of the worst, but they will be your own unique experiences to take with you and learn from. they are experiences i can neither protect you from nor share with you. i wish you the very best and hope you find success in all your endeavors.
