http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11111624/

::gurgle, gurgle::

do you hear that sound, america?

thats the sound the constitution makes as its being flushed down the toilet.

i always said i wouldn’t, but then i did. and i dont know if i will ever be able to forgive myself. i mean, i know everyone experiments every now and then—its normal to be curious—but i never thought i would sink this low…

i bought my first pair of pre-ripped jeans this past weekend.

the horror! the horror….

a little poetic prose for your thursday reading enjoyment…

you were not there for the sunrise this morning.

you did not watch as the darkness gave way, hesitantly at first, to the shades of gray and then, more readily though still slowly, to oranges and yellows and pinks. you did not hear the world yawn and stretch and…you were not there. i stood motionless in the hall, and watched in amazement as the morning fog lifted and the day, as if suddenly freed from a long restraint, gave a sigh and lunged heavily forward. it was beautiful and perfect and all the things i aspire to be, but am not. i did not move, or speak, or think, for fear i should scare it. at that moment i simply existed; a mass of particles—symmetrical and free—coming together and falling apart in a gentle, lapping rhythm.

but you were not there.

new pictures!! just a couple. i was playing around with my new camera and its been a while since i posted any pictures, my poor albums page has been neglected. so check it out, make it feel loved. my intention is to post new pics every month (HA)—we will see how that goes.

dear eight-hundred and fifty loyola students at the gym last night,

please go back to your dorms. i know you all gained at least 10 lbs in beer/wine/cookie weight over the holidays since you all got to sit at home on your asses for almost a month while i was still working because thats what you do after college just so you know but that doesnt mean you all have to attack the gym at once like there was a free coach bag at the end of every lap around the track.

when i have to wait in line to physically abuse myself, that is a sure sign of a cultural problem.

thanks greatly,
steph

p.s. to the loyola boys playing ping pong last night at the gym—fyi, just because you are at the gym, does not make ping pong “working out”.

One of my greatest failings in life has always been my inability to accurately identify and express my own thoughts and feelings. I often have a hard time finding the “right” words. And if I cannot find the right words, the ones that say simply and eloquently exactly what it is that is weighing on my mind at that exact moment, I say nothing at all.

Multitudes of report cards from my early school years contain neatly written cursive comments from well-meaning teachers concerned about my inability to accept my own imperfections. Some hypothesized that I displayed antisocial behaviors, having no desire to participate in group activities and choosing instead to sit quietly by myself. Others note more accurately that I seemed afraid of failure, pointing out that if I wasn’t sure I could do something perfectly the first time, I often choose to sit and watch everyone else do it, rather than risk doing it wrong in front of everyone. A few add that I was too hard on myself and often punished myself for the most normal and common mistakes.

Years later, I still wonder how different my life could have been if I had simply been able to say honestly, “I don’t know how.”

How much of a difference would it make if I learned to say it now?

Ok, so I found this over at pesky apostrophe. Apparently, TV evangelist Pat Robertson is a little upset that Isreal has pulled out of a $50 millon contract they had with him after he said that Ariel Sharon’s stroke was an act of “divine retribution”. Turns out the country didn’t appreciate his opinions on the matter. Who would have guessed? The important thing I would like to pull out from this article is not, however, that Israel pulled out of the contract or why, but rather what the contract was for in the first place. Thats right ladies and gents, Israel was going to pay the right-wing nut job crazy man $50 MILLION to establish a biblical theme park by the Sea of Galilee.

I envision a lovely little theme park, right on the water, with large Pearly gates at the entrance way, discounted admission with the confession of your sins, a free bible with every conversion and concession stands selling loaves of unleavened bread, trout on a stick, and indulgences.

OH and the attractions!

The Sodom and Gomorrah Roller Coaster to Hell! Barely escape the brimstone and fire as you climb the dangerously steep mountain of burning sulfur, and right when you think youre about to see the face of god…!

how about Ten Commandments challenge? First one to commit a sin loses..

or the 3D Plague of Locusts virtual ride? You’ll feel as if youre actually on the back of one of these little suckers as they torment the Pharoah for all his evil doings…

Oh and who could forget the Parting of the Red Sea Flume? If you love water rides, this one is for you.

And dont worry, if youre not really a ride person, you can always check out some of the shows. Daily shows include WWJD Live! (like WWF, only better!) Samson vs. Delilah! The Holy Players, “Who’s got the Pope?” or sign up to participate in the daily public stoning!

Really people, how could you miss this?

a movie review and some thoughts:

ok, so i saw brokeback mountain this past weekend. and, while i thought it was a really good movie, i think i have to agree with ellie who mentioned afterwards that she thought it was more a character movie than a plot movie. the story is about a relationship, and how it shapes the lives of two men as they grow older. there are no shoot outs, there are no chase scenes, there arent even any really good sex scenes. what does this mean? its a chick-flick. if you like chick-flicks, i think you will enjoy this movie. if youre not much of a chick-flick type of person (and really, im not either) you might want to save it for a dvd night. BUT, i liked it, and i think its worth seeing, so im giving it a positive vote. and, of course, it has the extra added value in that its about GAY COWBOYS, which makes it contraversial. and really, who doesnt like a good contraversy?

sidenote:
(first, the humorous part)
the movie is rated R. and when i went to see it on friday, i GOT CARDED. i am friggin 23 years old, and i was with ellie, whos friggin 28. for the love of buddah people, im not that young. i have a sneaky suspicion it had something to do with the subject matter, so they were being extra careful, but that leads me to the second part of the sidenote…

(now the serious part)
this movie has been all over the news. because, well, it is a gay movie, and its about gay men, and they kiss, and yes, theres even a “sex scene”. this is something you typically see on amazon.com, but not in movie theatres. so of course people have been talking about it. now maybe i just noticed more because its more personal for me, but really i thought everyone had heard about it. so explain to me why, within the first 30 minutes of the movie (more specifically – right after the sex scene) 6 people walked out. sorry, but i take it personally. if you are offended by gay men, then why the hell would you go see a movie about gay men? or really, if youre offended by gay men, why the hell would you go see a western? there are homoerotic undercurrents in most westerns people. i hate to break it to you, but its true. i dunno – i suppose its possible that these people simply didnt see the previews or read the movie description or happen to come across it on the internet or newpaper, and had no idea what they had paid for. but in a society where going to a movie on a friday night costs you $10 a ticket, wouldnt you read the movie descriptions first?

im sorry, i am personally offended by the fact that they had to walk out in the middle of a movie because two men got into bed (or in this case, a tent) together. do you have any idea how many awful straight sex scenes i have had to sit through in the movies? BAD sex scenes even—like eminem and brittany murphy in 8 mile. that was the worst sex scene i have ever been made to suffer through. but i didnt get up and walk out. that would be ridiculous. now if it was a porn, i might walk out. because an entire porno of sex scenes like that, might make my eyes bleed. and thats a personal health concern.

thats just my opinion. but i needed to rant for a moment about it.

yeah….its monday.

someone asked me why i do this. the reason is this: if Paris Hilton (or any other celebrity) so much as sneezes, the whole world reads about it on the news the next day, and bulletin boards all over the internet have hundred-entry strings about it. and yet when men and women die protecting our country, whether truthfully or conceptually, who really hears about it? they deserve acknowledgement.

so….

this is the list of the men and women who died in Iraq in the month of December. i decided to leave it in dates format this time.

01-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal John M. Holmason
01-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Daniel J. Clay
01-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal Andrew G. Patten
01-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal Adam Wade Kaiser
01-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal David A. Huhn
01-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal Craig N. Watson
01-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal Scott T. Modeen
01-Dec-2005 Corporal Anthony T. McElveen
01-Dec-2005 Sergeant 1st Class Brent A. Adams
01-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal Robert Alexander Martinez
01-Dec-2005 Sergeant Andy A. Stevens
02-Dec-2005 Sergeant Philip Allan Dodson Jr.
02-Dec-2005 Specialist Marcus S. Futrell
02-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Philip L. Travis
03-Dec-2005 Corporal Jimmy Lee Shelton
04-Dec-2005 Sergeant 1st Class Richard L. Schild
04-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Daniel M. Cuka
06-Dec-2005 Specialist Brian A. Wright
06-Dec-2005 Private 1st Class Thomas C. Siekert
07-Dec-2005 Sergeant Michael C. Taylor
07-Dec-2005 Corporal Joseph P. Bier
08-Dec-2005 1st Lieutenant Kevin J. Smith
08-Dec-2005 Sergeant Spencer C. Akers
08-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Milton Rivera-Vargas
09-Dec-2005 Sergeant Adrian N. Orosco
10-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Travis L. Nelson
10-Dec-2005 Sergeant Julia V. Atkins
10-Dec-2005 Sergeant Clarence L. Floyd Jr.
10-Dec-2005 Sergeant Kenith Casica
11-Dec-2005 Sergeant 1st Class James S. “Shawn” Moudy
11-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Keith A. Bennett
12-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Curtis A. Mitchell
12-Dec-2005 Specialist Lex S. Nelson
12-Dec-2005 Specialist Jared William Kubasak
13-Dec-2005 Specialist Peter J. Navarro
13-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Michael S. Zyla
13-Dec-2005 Specialist James C. Kesinger
13-Dec-2005 Sergeant Brian C. Karim
14-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Kenneth B. Pospisil
14-Dec-2005 Corporal Michael B. Presley
15-Dec-2005 Specialist Joseph Alan Lucas
15-Dec-2005 Sergeant Timothy R. Boyce
16-Dec-2005 Corporal Adam R. Fales Camp
18-Dec-2005 Lance Corporal Samuel Tapia
19-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Johnnie V. Mason
20-Dec-2005 Specialist Richard Jr. DeGracia Naputi
20-Dec-2005 1st Lieutenant Michael J. Cleary
22-Dec-2005 Specialist William Lopez-Feliciano
22-Dec-2005 1st Lieutenant Benjamin T. Britt
23-Dec-2005 Specialist Cheyenne C. Willey
23-Dec-2005 Sergeant Regina C. Reali
24-Dec-2005 Sergeant Myla L. Maravillosa
24-Dec-2005 Master Sergeant Joseph J. Andres Jr.
25-Dec-2005 Specialist Sergio Gudino
25-Dec-2005 Specialist Anthony O. Cardinal
26-Dec-2005 Sergeant Dominic R. Coles
26-Dec-2005 Specialist Dane O. Carver
26-Dec-2005 Chief Warrant Officer Isaias E. Santos
26-Dec-2005 Chief Warrant Officer Richard M. Salter
27-Dec-2005 Private Joshua M. Morberg
27-Dec-2005 Specialist Lance S. Sage
28-Dec-2005 Specialist Aaron M. Forbes
29-Dec-2005 Specialist Prince K. Teewia
29-Dec-2005 Private 1st Class George Anthony “Tony” Lutz II
30-Dec-2005 Sergeant 1st Class Shawn Christopher Dostie
30-Dec-2005 Private Jonathan R. Pfender
30-Dec-2005 Staff Sergeant Ayman A. Taha
31-Dec-2005 Specialist Marcelino R. Corniel

so im sitting here at work, with absofuckinglutely nothing to do, and thinking to myself,

“self, how about we cozy up with a cup o’ tea and some msn articles for the rest of the afternoon?”
“why yes self, that is a wonderful idea, let’s.”

so, tea in hand here i sit reading msn dating articles. yes, im officially a girl. in the middle of all this cosmo like reading, i did come across some very interesting bits of information from a couple of articles. allow me to share the highlights with you…

*one article suggests that, to find love in the new year, you should assign 12 family members or friends each a month in which they will each come up with a potential love match for you that month. or, give yourself first-of-the-month reminders to ask your co-workers if they know of anyone single and looking.

Ok, who the hell would actually ask 12 friends and family members to each take a month of the year and find you a blind date for that month? would you? i certainly wouldnt. thats like a spin the bottle game gone terribly wrong.

*another article highlights some valuable statistics:

• did you know that 50% of the population of nyc is single? as is 70% of the washington DC population? those are pretty damn good odds. its a mere coincidence that i already have both a trip to DC and a trip to nyc planned in the spring semester. i swear.

• did you know that only 9% of women and 2% of men say theyve found a relationship at a bar or club? which is funny, considering that so many people think that the only place to go to find a significant other is the bars or a club. though, this statistic did not account for one-night stands.

• did you know that , on a first date, it takes men approximately 15 mins to decide if someone is worth a second date, while women tend to think it over for about an hour. so guys, you might actually have a chance to redeem yourself through witty conversation. ladies, you have 15 mins – go.

*another article, in the gay and lesbian dating section, talks about the dreaded “small-pond syndrome”, which just about every gay man and woman is probably way too familiar with. the author’s solution? online dating. because clearly there will be new people online…in your area…who are not at the very few gay bars…in your area. this is true, if perhaps you live in maybe new york city or san fran. but for people everywhere else in the country?...thats a big fat no. unless you are dating people in another city, which is a possibility for lucky baltimorians with DC so close (and 70% single), you are going to find that the same people who are online, are also the ones in the bars, especially since theres usually only 3 or 4 bars where the gays gather.

hm….where the hell do they dig up these writers? i mean….really.